Today your hair is very nice

Valet Lit: The Parking Today Interview

2008-11-09T18:49:00.015-05:00

TYHIVN’s recurring Valet Lit feature has covered some of the greatest valet parking moments in English language fiction. This coverage, however, has historically neglected the non-fiction parking canon.Wait, non-fiction parking literature? What else is there besides the junk that gets stuck under windshield wipers? Fines, hastily-scribbled apologies following a fender-bender, advertisements – all

From the Less (Differently) Successful Sibling Department: Cecil Morgan

2008-09-09T10:50:00.006-04:00

“My brother Stephen, for example—this is not meant as a judgment on him, or to malign him—but, like a lot of young actors, they don’t have a lot of training." - Alec Baldwin, in a recent New Yorker profileTracy Morgan’s identical twin, Cecil Morgan, has had less success in the acting game than his brother, but in the hair cut modeling world, Cecil is the industry standard for pointy, tapered

TYHIVN Road Trip: The Alpine Slide tour

2008-08-12T16:59:00.027-04:00

"Everybody likes a little thrill every now and then, and the Alpine Slide is ready to oblige."- Lutsen Mountains websiteAs loyal TYHIVN readers know, lately this internet journal has entertained an unhealthy fixation on varietals of concrete slides, specifically in San Francisco. Careening down slippery concrete on a tattered cardboard toboggan is indeed a pleasure peculiar to the city by the bay

Valet Lit: Freshly Vandalized Vehicle

2008-05-24T14:55:00.005-04:00

Our latest installment of Valet Lit comes from Ed Park's terrific new novel, Personal Days. The following passage articulates and artfully amplifies the subjective valet experience, exploring central valet themes such as awkward smoke-break conversation, smelly automobile interiors, intentional vandalism, and the inevitable accompanying regret. Park's work is an immensely valuable contribution to

New Jersey PATH Shut-out in Public Transportation Branding Romp

2008-05-16T13:53:00.024-04:00

"If you're old enough to ride the subway, you're old enough to brag about it! Your toddlers can declare the MTA allegiance with one of these simple yet stylish t-shirts. Available in sizes 2T, 3T and 4T. New York City Subway Line designs are printed on heavyweight 100% cotton short sleeve tee shirts. Each is devoted to one of NYCs famous train lines, and has the NYC Subway Line logo printed on

A Political Cartoon

2008-05-01T10:22:00.007-04:00

James Carville: "The Wall Street Journal editorial page is watching you. Show 'em you're tough."Robert Novak: "Well, I think that's bullshit, and I hate that."~Exchange between the two men on CNN's Inside Politics.In these most turbulent of political times, I sound a clarion note on the Shofar of Reason. Gracias to the sage Martin Mulkeen for sagely scanning the front and (perhaps even more

The Slides of San Francisco: The Ruins of Douglass Playground

2008-03-09T14:27:00.006-04:00

“The destructive character sees no image hovering before him. He has few needs, and the least of them is to know what will replace what has been destroyed. First of all, for a moment at least, empty space – the place where the thing stood or the victim lived. Someone is sure to be found who needs this space without occupying it…The destructive character has the consciousness of historical man,

WHEATUS POSTUS

2008-02-28T21:28:00.020-05:00

"Wheat beer and women one hits on the bottom."~What I heard a man in Germany say as a toastHere I have considered a number of wheat beers that I drank during a year in Germany and Austria. Before reading, you ought to know these things: a.) Wheat beer is my favorite kind of beer, b.) I do not know more about beer than you, reader, know about beer, c.) I face-dove into a log in the forest when I

The Slides of San Francisco: Children's Playground

2008-02-18T15:42:00.010-05:00

Golden Gate park is home to many unique treasures, such as Bocce ball courts, a frolf course, and some beautiful but dilapidated Dutch Windmills.Another treasure is the concrete slides of Children’s Playground. These slides are always teeming with diminutive thrill-seekers, so be prepared to wait in line, especially during the summer months. This can be a drag, but it also brings unexpected

The Slides of San Francisco: A Photographic Essay in Four Parts

2008-02-13T23:28:00.008-05:00

I never learned to propel a playground swing on my own. I couldn’t master the weight transfer of the leg kick. Even today I still need someone to push me. As a result I got the majority of my jollies on the slide. I was lucky to grow up where I did. The concrete slides I became accustomed to as a child are a lovely and unique feature of the city by the bay. Bring a cardboard toboggan and ride the

Recovered Crafts of Childhood: Let’s Call it a Draw

2008-02-10T22:11:00.001-05:00

“We have suggested that within the apparent unity of the theological code, the fundamental difference of antagonistic class positions can be made to emerge. In that case, the inverse move is also possible, and such concrete semantic differences can on the contrary be focused in such a way that what emerges is rather that all-embracing unity of a single code which they must share and which thus

Reconfiguring the SLAB canon: Behold, the Butter-Yellow SLAB (Saussure, Lacan, Althusser, and Barthes)

2007-12-29T22:09:00.000-05:00

“SLAB theorists commonly counterpose ‘theory’ to ‘history,’ as if historical research could not also be theoretical. I propose a more informative opposition. SLAB theory and its offshoots, in their deepest assumptions and their concrete practices, have consolidated a new scholasticism, a ceaseless commentary on authoritative sources. Poetics, on the other hand, frankly offers scholarship--an

The Contemporary Sonic Interloper

2007-12-01T21:23:00.000-05:00

“The thing that both Herc and Jones did was release the music on the record from linear and temporal constraints. But Herc, Flash felt, was sloppy. The break went around, but it never came back on beat because Herc was dropping the needle all over the place. Flash saw Pete ‘DJ’ Jones seamlessly extending disco records by mixing two copies of the same record, and realized he could apply the same

Failed Publishing Ventures: "Does not a great business make"

2007-11-06T16:59:00.000-05:00

“The process of the specialization of ‘literature’ to ‘creative’ or ‘imaginative’ works…is in part a major affirmative response, in the name of an essentially general human ‘creativity’, to the socially repressive and intellectually mechanical forms of a new social order: that of capitalism and especially industrial capitalism.”- Raymond Williams, Marxism and Literature"It's a wonderful iconic

I like candy, plus eulogy for the hyphen

2007-10-07T19:01:00.000-04:00

"I need candy,Bubblegum and taffy,Get in my way, punk,You gonna get your ass beat,Nasty."~MC Pee PantsWhen the rough cave-hands of a cave-man slapped cave-pigment on a cave-wall, they did two related things. They: 1.) ushered in the beginning of the end of prehistory, mainly because they 2.) recorded, in the absence of written language, historical occurrence What then if we assign depictive

Publishing Conversions!: Friends of the Library

2007-09-26T12:55:00.000-04:00

"A small magazine of big ideas."- The Crier

Publishing Conversions!: Curiosity did not Kill this Cat

2007-09-25T10:28:00.000-04:00

"I was born two weeks after the Titanic sank. Make of that what you will."

Failed Publishing Ventures: "Little Local Angle"

2007-08-30T23:40:00.000-04:00

"Mark no longer works here. We did not run your story as there was little local angle in it. Best regards, Liz R, managing editor"- Liz R., Managing EditorQueens Native Murphy Grabs Bonds’ Historic BlastBy Martin MMatt Murphy of Elmhurst was just passing through San Francisco’s AT&T Park on his way to Australia when Barry Bonds’ 756th homerun tore through the sky and into his lap. Next thing he

The Purloined Gyro

2007-07-02T20:21:00.000-04:00

“What could be more convincing, moreover, than the gesture of laying one's cards face up on the table? So much so that we are momentarily persuaded that the magician has in fact demonstrated, as he promised, how his trick was performed, whereas he has only renewed it in still purer form: at which point we fathom the measure of the supremacy of the signifier in the subject…But a suspicion occurs

Latin Rhythms Heat Up Summer Nights In Queens

2007-06-20T12:29:00.000-04:00

"The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place It will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me or nobody is going to hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit, it is about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much can you take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done!" - Sylvester

The White Noise of Atlantic Avenue

2007-06-17T16:35:00.000-04:00

"Toyota Celica...A long moment passed before I realized this was the name of an automobile. The truth only amazed me more. The utterance was beautiful and mysterious, gold-shot with looming wonder. It was like the name of an ancient power in the sky, tablet-carved in cuneiform. It made me feel that something hovered. But how could this be? A simple brand name, an ordinary car. How could these

Self-Parodic Filth: Only in New York

2007-05-01T16:17:00.000-04:00

“It is not so much an empirical as an analytic judgment, not a historical statement, but a definition, to say that the intentional fallacy is a romantic one.” - William K. Wimsatt Jr. and Monroe C. Beardsley, The Intentional Fallacy “…the hand, cut off from any voice, borne by a pure gesture of inscription (and not of expression), traces a field without origin – or which, at least, has no

Timeless Raps, Vol. 3

2007-04-25T12:01:00.000-04:00

Rap:“Now lemme see you get that block work rollingLemme see you get that clockwork goingFiends copping by the clockwork flowingAll day and all nightTill them S.W.A.T. cops rollingOr that clock…stop…goingTick…tock…tick…tock…(AYE!)Homie,Get on the grind like clockworkTwo for five or a dime, that's clockworkShorty,You ain't gettin off the hook that easyLemme see that clockworkShe said look that's

Notable Slovakian Cave Formations & the Foodstuffs they Do Resemble

2007-04-13T08:57:00.000-04:00

at the behest of one M. K. Mulkeen:Neapolitan Ice-CreamAmerican BaconDried Chili-Peppers from the SubcontinentKnobby Penis (delicacy in the Pacific)Cake Icing and Black Beans Suspended in Zero-Gravity Field (this one is art)Man-Meatall photos taken by K. Spinali

Theorybomb! The Anus/Onus of the Metaphorician

2007-04-04T04:40:00.000-04:00

"Truths are … metaphors that have become worn out and have been drained of sensuous force…"-Friedrich Nietzsche, “On Truth and Lying in an Extra-Moral Sense”Let’s tweak the Nietzsch: As every novel metaphor is a propositional untruth, is bullshit, so a moral burden lingers upon the lips from which metaphor issues. This is the Anus/Onus of the Metaphorician. This burden does not pertain to the

On the Birth Pangs of el Estilo, & Brief Meditation on the Anglo-Saxons

2007-03-14T07:35:00.000-04:00

“The difficulty of the remainder of this vigorous annal is due, not to ‘the poverty of the English language,’ but to the fact that the writer did not consider the uninformed reader; what he meant was perfectly clear to himself.”-Alfred J. Wyatt, in a footnote on “The Chronicle” in his Anglo-Saxon ReaderI have a part-time teaching job in provincial Lower Austrian town; I am not a busy man. My

Of and Pertaining to Feline Atavism

2007-03-12T17:46:00.000-04:00

“…remembrance must not proceed in the manner of a narrative or still less that of a report, but must, in the strictest epic and rhapsodic manner assay its spade in ever-new places, and in the old ones delve to ever-deeper layers.”- Walter Benjamin, "A Berlin Chronicle," ReflectionsI typically eschew hard-line pronouncements about the blog as medium, living as we are in the little guy’s

Grandparents.com, Epistolary Black Hole

2007-03-06T14:03:00.000-05:00

“Is it a TTYL at the end of a message? That's ‘talk to you later.’ As a response to a joke or YouTube URL you might have e-mailed, LOL says, ‘I'm laughing out loud.’ As a signoff, it also means ‘lots of love.’ Juicy gossip? OMG can only be ‘oh my God,’ especially from a granddaughter of a certain age. LMK after a question means ‘let me know.’”- “Tools and Tips for Decoding Text Messages,” by Judy

Timeless Raps, Vol. 2

2007-02-25T08:04:00.001-05:00

David Bowie (materializing suddenly): “Are you ready to go, small child?”Small Child: “Where?”David Bowie: “Outside all Time as you know it, little one.”Small Child: “You mean to grandma and grandpa’s house?”David Bowie (smiling gently, inscrutably): “No, little one, toRap:[Ice Cube]“I’m hard on ‘em,yeah I’m ruthless.You like a stress-sack,boy you useless.You know the side, trick.Better get up on

Right Back Where We Started From

2007-02-17T10:58:00.003-05:00

The following article is from the now defunct Associated Press's ASAPDOOMED TV -- 'The O.C.' takes a long look at itselfBy MARTIN MULKEENWhat makes us who we are?Is it an untouchable essence at our core that guides our actions, or does our environment sculpt our character?Nature versus nurture—an age-old question, indeed.Wrestling with it, and often punching it in the face, was Ryan of "The O.C."

Upon Passing By a Communist Rally in my Childhood Town

2007-02-15T07:59:00.000-05:00

"Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff."-Frank Zappapicture of my childhood house in MünsterOne sunny summer Saturday in 2006 I took a train out to visit Münster, Germany, the town where I spent a few years of my young life. My family lived in Münster, in theory, because of Communism—my dad was in the Army, and the American army had to be in Germany because… you know… because

A deft technological improvisation, of which I am proud, but for which I cannot take credit

2007-02-14T01:19:00.000-05:00

"Whether you're making a mix tape, archiving vinyl, or recording from a live source, TDK audio tapes are pure performance perfection."- The TDK websiteOne day, in 1999, I spent an entire Trigonometry period absorbing a classmate’s detailed instructions on how to download mp3 files. Later, at home, I navigated my Netscape browser to a primitively coded forum style website with neon green text on a

A brief thought on Style

2007-01-31T09:18:00.000-05:00

“She said that the time had come to discard the system of balance of power among sovereign states established by the Treaty of Westphalia in 1648.” -William Pfaff, in the article "Manifest Destiny: A New Direction for America" The single and only true aim of Style in written English is to stimulate in the reader a narcotic euphoria which might cause them to overlook the great many prepositions

Timeless Raps

2007-01-22T04:49:00.001-05:00

Oh lordy it is so sweet when a rapper raps sweet raps. Surely on this we can all agree. Be you a casual or serious fan of the genre, you know that there’s nothing quite like the first time you hear an MC utter a golden couplet or flawless quatrain, and the subsequent joy in knowing you’ll be able to recall and revisit those lines whenever you wish, for they are timeless. It is in honor of

Of Boxed-up Junk and Slow Jams

2007-01-18T07:37:00.000-05:00

"Show me your wiener."-N. BeckI have neither a TV nor the internet in my apartment. My exposure to American culture is limited to the approximately 1 hour I spend browsing on the computer at work every day and to what my friends tell me. I was for sure one of the last chumps around to see this (please click on the "this").So I have heard two criticisms of this video, namely that: 1.)